You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We have started to decorate penises.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
