I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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