ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
