Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
