I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
