I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
