He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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