First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
