I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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