I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
