how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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