You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
