I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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