I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
