I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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