Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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