The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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