i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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