My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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