i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Randomize
