guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
