I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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