So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
