Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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