If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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