I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
