Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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