The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
