You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
