she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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