are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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