If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
