his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
