im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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