That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
