Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
