In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
