A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
