so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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