she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
