You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
