very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
