Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
