Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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