I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
