Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
