they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
