i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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