I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
pray to the hookup gods
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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