i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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