he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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