the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
