he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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